Why Parents Have the Biggest Influence on Their Child’s Progress
Why Parents Have the Biggest Influence on Their Child’s Progress
Many parents tell me something similar when they first reach out for support.
“If only my child had more professionals helping him, he’d make more progress.”
It’s completely understandable. When your child is struggling, it feels natural to search for the right expert, the right therapist, or the right intervention that will finally unlock progress.
Professionals absolutely play an important role.
But there is a truth that is often overlooked.
No therapist, teacher, or specialist will ever have as much influence on your child’s development as you do.
The most meaningful progress happens in everyday life — in the small, repeated moments that happen at home.
A Story From My Work With Families
I once worked with a mother named Sarah who was feeling exhausted.
She had spent months moving from one therapist to another, hoping someone would have the solution to help her son Jake. He was experiencing frequent meltdowns, and nothing seemed to be making a lasting difference.
During our work together, we explored a simple framework used in behaviour analysis called the ABC model.
ABC stands for:
Antecedent – what happens before a behaviour
Behaviour – what the child does
Consequence – what happens after the behaviour
Sarah began tracking Jake’s meltdowns using this framework.
Within a few days, something became clear.
Each time Jake screamed, Sarah quickly gave him what he wanted to prevent the situation from escalating.
This response was completely understandable. She was trying to avoid distress for both of them.
But without meaning to, this response was reinforcing the behaviour.
Once Sarah recognised the pattern, she began making small adjustments.
She changed what happened before situations that often led to meltdowns, and she became more intentional about how she responded afterwards.
Within weeks, Jake’s meltdowns began to decrease significantly.
Why This Matters
When parents understand the patterns behind behaviour, they can make small adjustments that create powerful change.
And because these changes happen during everyday life, the impact can be far greater than any single therapy session.
A Simple Strategy You Can Try
Choose one behaviour your child struggles with and observe it for a few days.
Write down:
What happened right before the behaviour?
What exactly did your child do?
How did you or others respond?
This simple tracking often reveals patterns that were previously invisible.
Once you understand the pattern, you can begin making small changes that lead to calmer and more predictable interactions.
And when parents feel confident in how they respond, children often begin to feel calmer too.
